How to Actually Prepare for Birth: 10 Things to Practice Before Labor
There is a lot of advice about how to prepare for birth; take a class, write a birth plan, pack your bag, learn about every intervention, practice breathing, do your exercises, eat well, buy the right things, read the books. And, in addition to books, classes, and advice from people you know, there is an endless stream of birth information on social media. Videos, checklists, personal stories, expert opinions, “must-have” products, and conflicting advice can make preparation feel less like support and more like another full-time job! And some of those things can be useful.
But there’s a difference between knowing about birth and actually feeling prepared for it.
You can read every article, listen to every podcast, scroll through every birth video, and know exactly what happens during each stage of labor and still find yourself thinking, Okay… but what am I actually supposed to do when this is happening to me?
That’s the kind of preparation I’m interested in. Birth preparation isn’t about predicting exactly how your birth will unfold. It isn’t about achieving a particular kind of birth or doing everything “right.” And it definitely isn’t about becoming an expert on every possible complication before your baby arrives.
It’s about building a toolkit of things you can do, say, decide, and handle when you need them during pregnancy, birth, and postpartum.
The goal isn’t to feel completely fearless. The goal is to feel like you have something to draw on, exactly when you need it.
Here are 10 things worth practicing before labor begins.
1. Practice noticing what helps your body soften
One of the most useful things you can learn before labor is simply: What helps me feel more comfortable in my body? You might already know some of your answers. Maybe it’s a hot shower. Rocking your hips. Lying on your side. Being outside. Having someone rub your back. Music. Quiet. Deep pressure. Movement. A particular position. Closing your eyes and focusing on your breath. You don’t have to know which of these will work in labor yet. Start by experimenting now.
Try different positions when you’re uncomfortable. Notice what happens when you move, change your breathing, relax your jaw, or consciously release tension from your shoulders.
You’re not trying to train your body to give birth. You’re getting to know your body. That familiarity can become incredibly useful when labor asks you to find comfort in the middle of something intense and unfamiliar.
Practice: When you notice tension or discomfort this week, experiment with one small change—movement, position, warmth, touch, sound, or breathing—and notice what happens.
2. Practice breathing for relaxation—not perfection
You’ve probably heard “just breathe” more times than you can count. Breathing has been part of childbirth education for a long time.
Lamaze, for example, became widely associated with patterned breathing in the mid-twentieth century. Over time, Lamaze education evolved beyond a single breathing method to include movement, comfort measures, support, informed decision-making, and confidence in the birthing person’s ability to participate in care. That history is worth remembering because breathing was never meant to be a test you pass.
Breathing techniques aren’t magic tricks, and there isn’t one special way you’re supposed to breathe during labor. What can be helpful is learning how your breathing changes when you’re tense—and practicing ways to bring yourself back toward slower, easier breathing.
Try this:
Take a comfortable breath in.
Then let your exhale be a little longer than your inhale.
Relax your jaw.
Drop your shoulders.
Let your belly be soft.
Nothing fancy. Nothing complicated. Just presence and intention. The point isn’t to perform a breathing technique perfectly. It’s to become familiar with the feeling of using your breath as something you can return to.
And remember: during labor, you may breathe differently than you practiced. That’s okay. Practice gives you another tool. It doesn’t give you another rule to follow.
3. Practice moving instead of staying in one position
Labor is dynamic. Your body is moving, your baby is moving, and your needs can change from one moment to the next. So rather than memorizing a list of “best labor positions,” experiment with movement now.
Try:
rocking or swaying
leaning forward onto a counter or birth ball
hands and knees
side-lying
squatting or supported squatting
slow dancing with your partner
pelvic circles
walking
changing positions when something doesn’t feel comfortable
You don’t need to become particularly flexible or athletic. The goal is to develop the confidence to think: “I can try something different.” That matters.
Because one of the most useful skills you can bring into labor is the ability to notice what’s happening and respond rather than feeling like you have to stay in one position or follow one predetermined plan.
4. Practice making decisions with your birth partner
Your partner’s job isn’t to memorize everything about birth. And honestly, you don’t need them to become a walking childbirth textbook. One of the most valuable things a birth partner can learn is how to support you when you’re having a hard time making decisions. Practice together now to build the skills for later.
Talk about questions like:
How do I like to be comforted when I’m overwhelmed?
Do I want encouragement, quiet, touch, or space?
What helps me feel grounded?
What tends to make me more anxious?
How can you help me remember what matters to me?
If we’re given a choice during labor, how do you think we should approach it together?
What questions can you ask if I’m not sure what I want?
And practice some actual support skills, too. Have your partner try hip squeezes or counterpressure. Practice helping you change positions. Let them learn how to offer water, adjust the environment, or simply stay present without trying to fix everything. You are building a team, not training a coach.
5. Practice talking about your preferences, not just writing them down
A birth plan can be helpful. But your birth preferences become much more useful when you can talk about them.
Instead of writing: “I want to move around during labor.”
Practice saying: “Movement is important to me. If I’m having trouble staying mobile, I’d like you to help me understand what options I have.”
Instead of writing: “I want to avoid unnecessary interventions.”
Practice saying: “If an intervention is being recommended, I’d like to understand why, what the benefits and risks are, and whether we have time to talk about alternatives.”
This is a different kind of preparation. You’re practicing using your voice. You’re learning how to ask questions, express preferences, and participate in decisions, even when things don’t go exactly according to plan.
And that includes informed consent.
Informed consent means having the opportunity to receive understandable information about a proposed examination, treatment, medication, procedure, or intervention—including its purpose, potential benefits, risks, alternatives, and what may happen if you wait or decline—so you can make a voluntary decision.
Consent is not a one-time signature or something you give once at the beginning of labor. You can ask questions, take time when the situation allows, change your mind, accept or decline an option, and ask for information to be explained or presented in a different way. There may be urgent situations when decisions need to happen quickly. Even then, your care team should communicate as clearly as possible and involve you to the extent that circumstances allow.
You don’t have to know exactly what you will choose in every possible situation. You can prepare by practicing how you want to be included. That skill is useful in every birth.
6. Practice asking questions
You don’t need to know all the answers. You need to know that you are allowed to ask questions.
Some useful ones to have in your back pocket:
“Can you tell me more about that?”
“Why are you recommending this?”
“What are the benefits and risks?”
“What are my alternatives?”
“Is this urgent, or do we have some time to think?”
“What happens if we wait?”
“What would you recommend if this were your family member?”
“What would you need to know from me before we decide?”
You don’t have to turn every decision into a debate. Asking questions simply gives you more information so you can participate in your care and give informed consent. Practice these questions before you need them.
7. Practice coping with discomfort before you are in labor
This one may sound strange. I’m not suggesting you try to make yourself uncomfortable or “train for pain.” But you can practice noticing what happens inside you when something feels difficult.
The next time you’re uncomfortable—during a workout, a difficult conversation, a stressful moment, or even a long day—notice your instinct. Do you tense your jaw? Hold your breath?
Rush? Tell yourself I can’t do this? Need someone nearby? Want silence? Want reassurance?
Then experiment with responding differently. Take one breath. Relax one part of your body. Change positions. Ask for support.
Remind yourself that discomfort and danger are not automatically the same thing.
You are learning something important: I can experience something difficult and still have choices about how I respond. That is a very different goal from trying to become someone who never feels afraid.
8. Practice preparing for the unexpected
This may be one of the most important pieces of birth preparation. We often talk about preparation as if the goal is to create the perfect plan. But birth doesn’t always cooperate with our plans.
Your labor might be longer than you expected. Shorter than you expected. You might need an intervention you hadn’t anticipated. You might change your mind about pain medication. Your baby might need extra monitoring. You might end up loving something you were sure you wouldn’t want—or wanting something you never expected to need.
Preparing for birth means preparing for your actual birth, not just the version you pictured.
That doesn’t mean expecting something to go wrong. It means practicing the thought: “If something changes, I can pause. I can ask questions. I can make a new decision. I can keep going.”
Flexibility isn’t giving up on your preferences. It’s knowing that your preferences can exist alongside reality. And if a decision needs to be made, you can still ask to understand what is happening, why it is being recommended, what your options are, and whether you have time to decide.
9. Practice caring for the person who is becoming a parent
Birth preparation can become very focused on the baby. What does the baby need? What should you eat? What should you buy? What should you pack? What should you learn?
But there is another person preparing for a huge transition: you.
Make some space to notice how you’re feeling about becoming a parent.
Excited?
Scared?
Impatient?
Overwhelmed?
Grateful?
Ambivalent?
All of it can exist together.
You don’t have to turn pregnancy into a constant self-improvement project. Sometimes preparation looks like taking a walk, resting without guilt, talking honestly with someone you trust, journaling, making something, listening to music, sitting quietly, or simply noticing your changing body.
Your emotional life matters. You are not just preparing to get a baby out. You are preparing to meet a new version of yourself.
10. Practice coming back to yourself
This might be the most important practice of all. Birth can be intense. There may be a lot of information, people, sensations, decisions, and emotions happening around you. So practice finding your way back to yourself.
Maybe that’s:
taking one slow breath
relaxing your jaw
feeling your feet on the floor
noticing your surroundings
putting a hand on your belly
repeating a phrase that grounds you
listening to a familiar song
asking for a moment
remembering who is on your team
reminding yourself, “I can take this one moment at a time.”
You don’t have to feel calm all the time.
You don’t have to feel confident all the time.
You don’t even have to like what’s happening all the time.
You can be scared and still be capable.
You can change your mind and still be confident.
You can need help and still be strong.
And you can have a birth that looks nothing like the one you imagined and still come away knowing that you were an active participant in your experience.
Birth preparation isn’t about getting it right
There is so much information available to you during pregnancy that it’s easy to turn preparation into another thing you’re supposed to be good at. Another checklist. Another set of rules. Another opportunity to wonder whether you’re doing enough.
And social media can make that feeling even stronger. One person’s birth story can start to feel like a warning. Someone else’s routine can look like a requirement. A confident opinion can sound like a universal truth. The sheer volume of information can leave you feeling more confused rather than more prepared.
You don’t have to consume all of it. You don’t have to respond to every opinion or turn someone else’s experience into a prediction of your own. And honestly, I don’t think you need another endless list of things to do. You don’t need to know everything, practice every technique, create the perfect birth plan, or feel completely confident before you go into labor.
Instead, think about building a small collection of things you can do, say, decide, and handle. Learn something. Try it. Notice what works for you. Practice again. Talk with your partner. Ask questions. Seek information from people you trust. Stay curious. Let your preparation change as you change.
The goal of preparing for birth isn’t to control what happens. It’s to meet what happens with more familiarity, more flexibility, and more trust in your ability to participate in it.
You don’t have to know exactly how your birth will unfold. You can prepare to meet it.
Want to go a little deeper?
If you’re looking for a more hands-on way to prepare, Tend: Mental & Emotional Preparation for Childbirth Workbook was created to help you practice the mind-body skills that can support you through pregnancy, birth, and the transition into parenthood.
It’s less about adding another checklist to your pregnancy and more about making space to notice your body, explore what helps you feel grounded, practice coping skills, ask questions, and develop your own relationship with the experience of becoming a parent.
Learn more about Tend →
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